Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Old me: "You can have it all; you just can't have it all at once." Me at almost 40: "Maybe I know how she does it ..."

totally over it.
Yesterday (Monday), Adina (3 1/2) insisted, again, that she stay at school "all day." I had been picking her up after lunch.  I figured that until I found a job, we'd enjoy time in the afternoons together; we could explore Denver, and then, I'd sign her up to stay for afternoons at pre-school once I needed the childcare.  But after just a few days of teary goodbyes during week #1, my daughter now runs down the hall, stops at the doorway to give me a happy hug, and then skips into her classroom to play with her friends.  

She'd told me about 400 times over the weekend that she wants to "stay for rest time, and dance, and soccer."  It started last Friday, the morning before the first job interview I've been on since she was born.  Right.  In the car, on my way to drop her off she says, "I want to go to school all day, every day."  The universe telling me something?  "I'm ready."  "She's ready."  I told her I'd think about it.

Monday's afternoon activity is dance, so when Adina brought the subject up again yesterday morning as we were getting into the car to go to school, I figured, great.  Better that its her idea to stay til 3, allowing me, hopefully, to find a part-time job, right?  Sure.  I did tell her, however, that Monday & Wednesday (soccer day) is it for now.  On the other days, I will pick her up after lunch & we will go the library, museums, etc.

Uh huh.  Today I picked her up and drove her straight over to her friend Ruth's house for a play date.  I'm to retrieve her there at 2:30.  So here I am, back at a Starbucks, talking to you.

So here's the update on my search for gainful employment.  My interview last Friday went well, but I didn't get the job.  According to the president, the organization needs the communications director to be full-time, as in 60 hours/week full-time, not 40.  OK, not for me.   There is, however, another open position that is intriguing, may even have my name written all over it, and I am hoping to talk to the other hiring powers that be for that gig at the end of this week/beginning of next.  I'm also going to a networking event next week.  And trying my very best to take deep breaths and be patient.  Hi ho, hi ho, its off to find work I go ...

Apropo of nothing, or of absolutely everything, I finished reading "I Don't Know How She Does It?" last night in preparation to go to see the movie starring Jessica Sarah Parker tonight with my friend G.   This book came out in 2002 - three years before my first child was born was born and I left my "60 hour/week type full time job" as a director at a prominent Washington, D.C. political advocacy group to stay home full-time.

The basic gist of the book is hedge-fund manager with handsome husband and 2 lovely children has no time to enjoy what she's accomplished.  She imagines herself appearing before a judge charged with being a working mother who gives her children expensive gifts to make up for missing their bedtimes and not spending enough time with them.  In the end, she gives up the job, and moves to the country to become a full-time mother & wife.  The novel ends, however, with the hint that the heroine will start working again, in a way that provides a more balanced life.

Sound in anyway similar to someone you sort of know?

In addition to being over wanting to hang out with me 24/7, Adina has another new thing.  She's said it at least a dozen times the last several weeks.  Its, "Mommy, when I grow up I want to be a mommy just like you."  Simple, loving statement from a three year old girl, right?  No way man.  That declaration is my "be-all end-all" du jour.  It means the boss thinks I'm doing OK.

And now that she and I and her big brother are ready for me to bring my work back into the mix, here's my message back: "I love being your mommy.  You will be a wonderful mommy.  And fabulous at everything else you choose.  Please don't you worry about how she does it; just be what you want to be."
Post-movie thoughts to follow.


  1. Hi Evelyn-
    Love the blog. As someone who is working full time with two young children and having an immense amount of guilt about it I find it reassuring to know others are struggling with the same thing! Hope things are going well in Denver.

    Pam Cohen

  2. LOVE your blog and this amazing transition you are all making- welcome to our community! You are an amazing woman and mother...